goodbye..

our start.. was beautiful.. one of the beautiful-est fairy tale i can ever have probably.

you brought me to watch the sunrise. it was so quiet. just the 2 of us. the serenity of the surroundings. hearing you breathe. hearing you talk. hearing you confide in me. i felt it was the most romantic thing a couple can ever do together. i had a good impression of you. before you had to leave to book in for the first time ever, you asked if i could kiss your lips. i shaked my head cause i was shy.. yet i was happy you asked..

waited for you to be able to book out patiently, then you told me you were admitted to the hospital, i was worried sick, angry with you for not taking care of yourself and being more careful. i was so afraid it’s something serious, although you kept assuring me that you just needed a few stiches. rushed to the hospital, you hugged me. you asked if i could be your girlfriend. i smiled. before i left for the night, you kissed my lips.

the following months was awesome, spending time with you. although i always had to wait for you to book out, although i can’t talk to you as and when i want, although im always worried about you, still, i missed you so much. each time you booked out, you will run.. run to hug me.. & tell me that you love me so much..

you told me you won’t ever sign on. but you did. our quarrels began. since like the 6th or was it the 7th month of our relationship, it went downhill. you put down on me, left me crying when i need to solve things, there and then. you never bothered to comfort me, assure me. as the months went by, and the more you know how much i need you & love you, the more you took me for granted, the more you hurt me, the more you ignore me, the more you treat me…. like shit..

all along, i thought i couldn’t let go cause i love you alot and i can’t live without you. but i was wrong. i was just used to you. i sat down, thought about us, what’s the point of having us? i can’t love a guy who can hurt me so badly, who can break me into pieces, who can abandon me, who can spit at me, who can hit me, who can look into my eyes and ask me to fuck off.

you chose to leave. so don’t turn back & look at me now, cause im happier without you. there is no us anymore. no future. i know, i promised you i won’t ever let you go, but i have to now.. it’s better this way. i still hate you, cause part of me still misses you. but i know, one day i will be able to view you as just another individual. cause then, i will have no hatred, no love for you. you will just be another person to me. another stranger. just a. jeremy. hoe.

still, i wish you be happy.. goodbye forever..

 

我好想你。。

i am supposed to be rushing my assignment. its due tomorrow & i have yet to type a single word on my essay. my mind is all about you.

i wish i can turn back time. i wish our love were as pure & innocent back then. where i know you loved me wholeheartedly. i wish i would be less unreasonable. i wish i could be content with everything that you gave me. i wish i was more understanding. i wish i could accept whatever you were doing. i wished i was more supportive. i wish i could give you more happy times. i wish you would still brag to me to your camp mates, saying how pretty i am, although both you and i know, im fat. i wish i cherished you more. i wish i loved you the way you wanted me to love you. i wish you would still run to me when you book out. i wish i was still your world. i wish you.. still love me like before..

i miss the old you. i miss the old us. i miss the silly us. sobbing cause we miss each other and wanna see each other. i wished i was still your silly little girl.

i feel so distant from you. are you busy? or is it cause you do not love me like you used to. i don’t know anymore. i can’t tell.

please let me turn back time.. please..

 

I kill.

I’m a murderer. I kill.

 

the cruel fact.

after close to 2 years together, now that you’re gone, I’m so lost. a part of me felt missing.

I’m not a good girlfriend to you. I wasn’t appreciative. now that I’d lose you, I knew how much you meant to me. but you wouldn’t give us another chance.

I want to SMS you so badly. yet afraid I would only irritate you. I want a hug so badly. I want a kiss so badly. I want to hear you whisper in my ears, I love you baby.

now all I can do is try to be as strong as I can during the day. smile in front of my family and friends. at night, it gets so bad my tears rolled down uncontrollably.

he’s not coming back.
if only I can turn back time. if only I cam have one more chance. if only. I loved you better.

I love you, Jeremy hoe.
I wish you know.

 

updates..

TGIF!
THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!

omg,
work sucks big time.
i don’t know if i can rant here about work.
I THINK, NO! -_-
but i just hate it that whenever i make a mistake, it seems like i killed someone.
YES I AM CARELESS.

i think this blog is like forsaken anyway. no one reads it.
even penguinn. ):

doesn’t matter!!

these weeks where i didn’t update.
so many things happened.
but i am glad i did something good and nice.
i hoped i did help layla to stand back up on her feet.
and i am glad i helped my “friend” find a “possible partner”.

but i guess that’s where things end. i just feel, wierd that whatever i tell her MAY get into the ears of the common friend. it’s like there’s no privacy. kinda pissed off by it. just the thought of it.
okay, enough about that.
i want a friend whom i can confide in with a piece of mind.

things between penguin are getting abit shaky.
its probably things are getting abit unstable.
he’s stressed, i am stressed.
he’s tired, i am tired.
for work, that is. -_- what were you thinking.
but we are both trying hard to make things work, and that’s what matters. =)
i hope everything goes well.

it’s gonna be our 1 year 1 month this weekend!
so excited!
i bet he’s not gonna buy me anything!
if he don’t, he shall get it from me. =D

but then again, he never says no to whatever i want.
that’s my babyy!! =D

 

thoughts..

so many things have happened lately. it left me thinking. alot.

what is love.

 

nail craze..

omg i am in the nail craze now.

but i do not know how to paint nails

 

thelove..

quite amazed by how far we have both walked from..
i thought it was quite impossible initially..
i thought you were just bored.
i thought you just need to secure someone there for you when you book out..
but as i enter your world,
the thought came to my mind..
“maybe you are serious with me”
maybe.. for once, a fairytake is happening..
and one day, you shook me,
“yes babyy.. i am serious..”

and for once, i felt like i was in a fairytale, with you..
in your arms, i felt protected..
i felt loved when you look into my eyes..
it’s like you are telling me that you love me with your eyes..

 

once upon a dream..

once upon a dream, i was lost in your embrace.

there i found a perfect place, once upon a dream..

once there was a time, like no other time before.

i love you..

 

hmm.

hmm. i have no idea what to blog about.

seriously, literally. i don’t know why i am here too. work has been really good. happy with my work. =) still have some stuffs to clear in work. BUT, still, it is bearable. colleagues are nice. everything is ok. feeling too lazy to go out. just feel like rotting at home today. furthermore it’s raining. what a nice day to be at home.

fatfat is sleeping with the blankets up. =D i love this fat penguin so much. it’s so fucking cute and soft. i just like hugging the silly fatfat. =D

okay i guess i am not making any sense now?

i am quite happy. i am having everything that i ever want. =) my skin is clearing up. my hair is getting longer? hopefully. i want more clothes and makeup! =P i have an awesome boyfriend. =) i have nice friends all around me.

except for some people with the stinky personality. i wonder why i let you in my world for such a long time.